Bear Hug

Synapses firing.

Neurotransmitters accelerating.

Dopamine. Norepinephrine.

Serotonin. Oxytocin.

I know a gentleman.

He likes me.

I gained 20lbs.

He still likes me.

And even when I don’t trust any man

In this entire universe.

He is there.

Just standing there.

Ready and willing to embrace my entire being.


Parallel Universe

Put on your space helmets (or motorcycle helmets….whatever you can find first!) and travel with me to a parallel universe. Where gaining weight or losing weight was not a negative or positive event. It was just an event.

Where being fat wasn’t a bad thing and being thin wasn’t necessarily a good thing.  A universe where there aren’t any negative cognitions based on the amount of adipose tissue being held inside your body.

If your body was skinny, it wasn’t because you worked out 12 hours a day and don’t like the taste of food…..or where people didn’t assume that the reason you were big was because you were negligent or lazy or lacked self-control which most people infer is a reflection of your bad character and daily food choices.

Where the amount of adipose tissue in your body did not affect your chances of getting married or finding a life partner and didn’t determine who your closest friends are. In this universe, whether you are fat or skinny, you are just who you are.

In this world, gaining weight was simply this: your body’s purposefully designed safety mechanism – it’s your body’s own food shelter bunker in case there was a famine tomorrow. Even though in America, a famine isn’t something that will likely happen, storing fat cells in your body is something that your body does to meet a rational and objective need.

Your body wants to protect you. Like the diving reflex or the fight/flight response, your body is looking out for you because your body, for the most part, is much smarter than you. And simply that. No social stigmas attached.

What if your main purpose for running outside every morning was to decrease your chances of getting liver cancer by 50%? What if you were apart of a society where weight loss or weight gain is the impartial byproduct and not the main objective?

Where if you don’t fit into your favorite jeans, you wouldn’t feel like you’re a failure or that you would be ashamed. You just get a new pair because getting a size down or up is not a bad or good thing….it’s just something that happened. What if we looked at people and did not assume certain things about them? How different would our lives be?


iLuv Curvy Girls

When I told one of my colleagues that I was writing a blog about plus sized women, the first thing he said  was this:

Honestly, Alex, I’m really attracted to women who are curvy and athletic! I’m not attracted to girls who are skinny at all. It looks weird to me. 

My two immediate thoughts were:

I really don’t care who you are attracted to. Wait….why are you telling me this? 


You are probably saying this because I’m a curvy, athletic, woman standing right in front of you.

The truth is this: it’s so brainwashed into our minds that a women’s sole purpose in life is to be the object of a man’s affection; that her primary life goal is to find a husband, have children with him, cook, clean, and to help raise a family with him. We are that beautiful person that he has searched his whole life to find, right?

It’s brainwashed in our minds so much that my friend could not see the distinction between writing a blog about curvy women versus how much he finds curvy women attractive. He thought it was the same thing. These are two separate events: how a woman feels about herself and how a man is attracted to her. The fact that most people lump these two ideas together OR assume the later is a reflection of how we view women’s life purpose in our culture.

When is Weight a Symptom?

Great post! I’ve always wanted to read about this topic 😀

Dances With Fat

Bad DoctorI received a question from a reader that I want to address :

Is there a point at which you think that it’s reasonable to view a person’s weight as an outward symptom of a health issue? …I don’t ask because I want to get into someone else’s business, but only because I’m trying to make sense of it as representative of the human condition. …I realize that there is a wide range of normal human size, shape, height, weight, and so on…. but there must be a point at which a person’s appearance becomes a concern. BTW, that goes the other way as well; how do we tell when someone is naturally thin, and when they may be anorexic and need help.

First and foremost other people’s health isn’t our business unless they ask us to make it our business, (or it is legally our business and even then…

View original post 731 more words


The way that I was raised
Was to value and aspire to the male doctrine
….the male set of rules.
Take notes
Write this down:
The minute you show interest
That’s the minute I become disinterested
Ignore the people you love, right?
That’s how real men do it, you feel me?
It is more favored and acceptable to be a man in this world
I know
and Me
It’s been this way
For thousands of generations…..
And generations…..
And more
So throw away your femininity
Hate it
It’s such a waste
Be macho
Don’t be emotionally in tune
Sleep with women
Yes! In high numbers
Take your male birthright
It’s your inheritence
Your sex organs earned it
Drink tall glasses of beer
or take shots of hard liquor
Keep that high paying job
And when she doesn’t paid the same
It’s fine
You’ll “take care” of her too but
Women, for you:
There’s a different set of rules you must follow
Full of
And do
Let a man be smarter than you
So he can keep his ego and self-pride
Why… else will you find the man of your dreams?
He will love you forever
He’s your man
He’ll take care of you
But don’t ask him for money
You gold digging thot
Don’t be a slut — the object of someone’s lust
Did you already forget?
He’s made all your dreams come true
So Woman, you must
Only fall in love with one person:
That’s him, your perfect love
He’s your other half!
He completes you!
He fixed your broken heart!
While he has many, many more women on the side
Doppelgangers of you, so
Don’t fall for his good looks
Only for his heart and personality and
Once you have fallen
Dedicate your life to making his dreams a reality….
What are your small dreams compared to his silver spoon?

Breakfast on Black Friday

Since you only gave me leftovers

I chose to be with someone else

Your leftover kisses were remnants of how you felt

With another person that you truly loved

Another person who scorned you

You’ve been through so many women that

You’ve completely lost count… could you not remember?

Unable to recognize the good from the bad

The awful from the awesome

The tragedy from the miracle

The authentic from the knockoffs

You don’t know anything

Kissing you was like having breakfast on Black Friday

Consuming leftovers from your Thanksgiving feast of past romances

Mountains and mountains of  ham and eggs sandwiches

And turkey cheese melts

Topped with several glasses of bloody marys

Turned Down for Pole


I’m always on the hunt for the next polegasm. I am a pole dance addict. During competition season, I train for pole minimum 2-3 hours, 4-5 times per week in the evenings right after work. Guys I’ve dated in the past usually suspected that I was creeping. Back when I didn’t tell anyone that I pole danced, I would always just say that I’m going to the gym or going to go workout (and I was). “Come on Alex, you can’t work out that often.” ……..YES I CAN!!!!


If you are curious about what a polegasm looks like, here’s an example.

Happy Poling!

Pole Star on the Rise: Stef Lim

This week, I had a FANTASTIC Q&A session with the wonderful Stef Lim who is competing at Pole Sport Organization (Boston) this year on November 2nd and CPFC (Canadian National) on November 14th. She had a few pieces of advice to share with her beloved pole community:

stef                lim

Q: Where did you take your first pole dance class? What were your first impressions of pole dance?

A: I took my first pole class in Melbourne Australia. I took it a bit skeptically at first, unsure what to expect. However, the moment I did my first spin and climb, I was hooked and never stopped!

Q: How did you first hear about pole fitness/ pole dance for fitness?

A: My friend Rebecca had done it for a year and she was the one who convinced me to try my first class. I have to thank her so much for convincing me because it’s one of the best decisions of my life!

Q: When did you start telling your friends and family that you pole dance competitively?

A: My family and friends had known the moment I had tried pole dancing for the first time. In terms of competition, they knew I wanted to compete, and the moment I got my first acceptance in a competition (Ontario Pole Fitness Championships), they knew that this was something I didn’t just want to do. I HAD to do! I love competing!

Q: Where has been the furthest that you’ve traveled to take a pole dance class?

A: It’s funny, because I am Canadian, who went to school in Australia, so I started in Australia, but now live in the States and pole here too. So really, I am somewhat of a traveling poler I have trained in Australia, Canada, Rochester NY, and I will be going to see Heidi Coker soon in Georgia!

Q: What has been the best part about your pole fitness journey?

A: That’s like asking me what’s the best part of chocolate… Everything!! Essentially, I can break it down to a few things:

The way it makes me feel. I have never felt so confident in myself before! The reason for my confidence boost is that I feel good about how I feel (I am so much healthier for this sport), how I look (six pack? really? me? never thought possible!) and the pole community (endless support!) Plus, it’s a really fun ice breaker, and my friends and family are so supportive. That’s been the best surprise. The support is amazing!

Q: What other fitness classes do you take to cross train for pole fitness competitions?

A: When I was in school and started pole dancing, I use to train for competitive swimming as well 3x a week, while going to the gym 2x a week while practicing pole at least 4-5 x a week (I did say I was competitive…. right?) But since starting to work and working a schedule that was initially 80-100 hours, but now down to 50 hours a week, I have just been doing poling 3-6 x a week, just depending on my schedule for work that week. If I had more time, I would do more cross training. It’s a shame I don’t really.

Q: If you were to give one piece of advice to someone who is brand new to pole dancing, what would it be?

A: Try it, because it is an amazing journey and a lot of fun! You meet the best people, you are never judged upon your skills nor size, and you really feel amazing! You just love how you feel after a work out on pole, and it is the best work out! And, because of all the various styles of pole (fitness, lyrical, seductive/sexy, competition) you will find something that works for you.

So what are you waiting for? Are you going to try pole now?

Great words of wisdom, Stef. 😀 Thanks for sharing some of your knowledge with us! We look forward to seeing more of you soon. Here’s a video of one of Stef’s most popular performances where she placed 3rd overall:

5 Tips on How to Find a Good Pole Fitness Studio

Looking for a place to take pole dance classes? Here are some tips that can help you find a local studio (beyond your basic Google search):

1. Hear it through the grapevine. If you have any friends who take pole classes regularly or have attended bachelorette/birthday parties at a pole studio, ask them where to go. These might be the best people to get feedback from since they’ve already been to a local studio. They’ve had an experience attending an event or class at the studio 1st hand, so they can give you more genuine feedback of what to expect on customer service, timeliness, pole dance style, studio ambiance, etc. if you decided to attend classes there regularly.

2. YouTube. YouTube. YouTube. On YouTube, you can gauge if the pole studio is enthusiastic and passionate about pole dance. If the studio isn’t passionate or excited, there’s a good chance that after a couple of classes, you might not be either. When I was looking for a pole dance studio in 2010 (back when SEO wasn’t very optimal), I started with a simple google search and three studios came up. With each studio that came up, I immediately did a YouTube search of the studio name to find out if any of the instructors had demos online so that I could see their style of dance. At the time, only one of those studios that I found through the google search online had YouTube demos. I ended taking two classes from that one studio that I found.

3. Sign up for Groupon. Or Living Social, Yelp Deals, Guilt City etc. Look out for deals from your local pole studios. Even though I started taking classes at another pole studio, once I saw the Groupon for my now current studio, Pole Pressure, I went on YouTube to search for a demo and found this one below. If it wasn’t for this video, I may have never tried out Pole Pressure. Pole Pressure was the perfect fit for me  based on the style and technique of pole dancing that I saw in this YouTube video.

4. Sign up to your local pole studio’s email listserv. After you find a few studios through your google search or your groupon deal, go to the pole studio’s main website and sign up for their listserv. Based on the content of the emails, you can get a better idea of what their pole community is like. From there you’ll also be able to see if the studio is a good match! Studios listservs will also advertise showcases and competitions that you can attend if you want to see a pole fitness event before you step into your first class.   Most studios have a web page where you can sign up to their listserv on their main website, but if they don’t, send an email inquiry through the website and they will get back to you.

5. See if your local gym offers pole fitness as a weekly group exercise class. Some gyms offer pole at in their multipurpose or cardio rooms. Search your local gyms online or call to ask to see if they offer pole fitness classes.

Last but not least (as a caveat tip), try out a class!!! I can’t believe I have to say this but just dive in! A lot of studios have a free introductory class or discounted class rate for new pole dancers. Or just purchase that awesome Groupon deal you just saw online. Hope these tips help. If you have any questions, feel free to comment below or send me an email at curvypoledancer at gmail dot com. Happy Poling! 🙂